Getting in Gear

There seems to be a few things hitting me pretty hard that I need to tackle somehow. Gotta find plans that can be applied, and more plans.

My subconsious is showing me easily noticable signs that I need- key word there is need- to take steps to go forward. I'm at the point to where simple "do it yourself" learning, just winging it as I hear about it and see a few things, isn't working anymore- not because I'm not creative, but that I need to focus now on learning and not doing life as it is about a quarter mile past where I've been. I got very frustrated at trying to draw this one pose, and I got this vague feeling that I need to learn more before I can do it right. So, I went back to my old books and did basic learning as I should have when I first got it.

I stumbled- or rather, my subconsious pointed me in the direction of- a link for moleskine notebook improvements. Things like, how to take better notes, how to modify them to hold pens, how to organize life properly. As I'm seeing more and more stuff come together with a working plan, I'm getting that huge realization that I must take actions to organize life. I'm receiving anger that things aren't going as I wish they would be; looking back though, I know its my fault. I'm getting those vague urges to walk around and do more, to focus my mind and get a task done. There's just so much to do, yet I know its all here in front of me on how TO get it done. Hell, I was shown GetStuffDone procedures on that moleskine article anyway.

Stuff absolutely has to get done. It doesn't matter how, I just need to do it somehow. I'll make a list here, for me (and others to see how I'm doing) and continually update on how I'm progressing.

• Get Driver's License
  -I've driven before for 2 years, but I feel fear when I think about me being on the road. I would rather not be made fun of anymore for being afraid to move forward; this is a huge roadblock in my life, as its caused me to be quite home-bound and unhappy. My family is unhappy with it as well- both their disapproval of the situation, and how they notice I'm not happy with me.
• Get Outside More
  -This is somewhat tied to driving, but also independent of it. I'm in the house too much. I've worked on it more recently, stepping out to get some air more often, and I do feel my mind loosening up a bit- in a good way. When I'm out and relaxing, I feel more of those emotions bound up getting out; they can be bad, but letting them loose means they aren't in my system, and the subconsious gets through them instead of holding on. I can deal with them now instead of putting a damper on them and making myself ill.
• Fully draw a portrait, with shading and good anatomy
  -Drawing is just something I want to do. I want to be good, proud of what I do. I've been studying... well, more like, just doing it here and there... drawing material, but not hard enough. Gotta focus, ike ike ike. I want to draw my characters, just to be able to do it. I wish I could do comics, but... i'd rather write for them. Somehow though, I think that if I learn good anatomy, I better can appreciate human form- something I've noticed in myself a little bit more over the years. Its a calming, nonviolent activity, and i'll be able to be happily doing something like that when I'm older and can't do as much physically.
• Incorporate Huna into life as best as I can
  -I havn't been doing this enough. It only comes up here and there, the rememberance of things, yet as of late more and more has it shown. I notice myself feeling emotions instead of just going through them. I see applications and don't apply it as often as I like. The tools are here. I need to use the tools in front of me- I've gathered them all up, have a car to drive and money to do the test, have drawing books, paper, and pencils/erasers/templates/rulers/etc, have a wonderful place to enjoy, let alone the entire planet! I also have huna resources right in front of me too, books, podcasts, and the forums. Its all here, and I need to get better at life and use what I have instead of letting it sit around like a lazy person.
• Write a complete novel
  -This is a thing i feel i must do. I'm a good writer when I focus. Unlike drawing, I'm already quite skilled at writing naturally, so I'm ahead in that area... but I don't push myself to do it. I don't want to actually enjoy it. I do though, I really do want to enjoy it. I want complex relationships, conflict and resolution, amazing locations and events, all kinds of stuff. I simply can't get around to doing it. Maybe... the subconsious just wants me to get stuff done before I do that. Something to ponder, I guess...
• Find a job in arts/writing/advertising
  -Wal-mart isn't going to cut it forever. I somehow need to find something I like doing instead of just doing what's available. Its finding something that I do enjoy that I need to find.
• Be more confident in myself
  -I'm a good person. I know I am. Everyone does a bit of mean things here and there- they're not really mean, they just things that assert that you're human with wants and needs too and others should respect them. I'm not saying I need to be selfish, I just need to take care of myself more and stop being so passive. I feel crappy when I'm passive, even though others got what they wanted and are satisfied. "I can't get no satisfaction" needs to be looked at as the subconsious sees that 2 letter word- no doesn't exist, so the lyrics MUST become, "I can get satisfaction." I can be happy, I can be confident that I'm cool and smart and a good person. I simply need to know it and reminds myself of it.

There are a few things absent here for my age, i know, like going to school and my famous one, finding love. Somehow I know these things will inch their way into how things go on their own- they'll somehow become part of my plan, as I want them to. I'll set myself up for classes, I'll get to them sooner than I think quite frankly. I'll find a nice person to spend time with as I'm getting things done, getting close to them and not forcing it. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't force those two things right now, or I'll just avoid them and not pursue them; I'll either find need for them through this things above, or be directed to get them done in other means. Its not that I think school isn't important (as goes for love)- they both are. I just have to want them, y'know? I don't see a real need right now. I'll get to them, don't worry.

I just think things are all about planning though. Not sitting on my butt and actually getting stuff done, having fun, and doing what i need to do. It takes a plan to get stuff done, else you're not getting much done. Planning is a must in my life now, as its been too absent beforehand. I'll figure this all out somehow, and I plan on it