Thank You For Your Venom

Her tender kisses were hungry butterflies upon your flesh. How does one describe that rush of passion when you feel that deep, lustful kiss that permeates your very heart? It drills hard, to the core of your heart, gives you chills, makes you hungry yet not hungry. Every moment, every movement, each feels like its racing against the passage of time. And you hear her every whisper each time she's touched. Your ears burn for it, as does your soul, each one devilishly short, making your heart cry out for another- and when it reaches your ears, you feel it move you, calling out for more.  There's wonder behind them, a sense of satisfaction unending. As soft arms wrap around your face to embrace you in a kiss, you feel your eyes drop closed and the internal BPM crank up. You shake when she plays with your neck, whispers, breathes, moans in your ear; those noises somehow find themselves at the bottom of your ribcage. What she does with the rest of her mouth, to that ear, has no descriptor, despite it being beyond intense. Hands wander to destinations unknown- you rush to keep up, but are already lost in her lucious caresses. She rakes her nails down your back; you tell her you're ticklish, and the pleasure mixed with the pain only pushes you harder into the kisses you feed her.  Moans escape your lips, both in joy and in reflex of nerves awakened- her fingers, now eager to work harder upon realization of this sound. Her wrists pinned, she's helpless, loving every moment of your grasp - a sheer sign of enjoying your dominance. You sense that smile, deep in her eyes even though they're closed, this moment being something she's screamed for in dreams. Yet there's something about glaring up into those wicked eyes of a female knowing she has you in her grasp. Their deep blue only lure you into a false security, proving its faux existence when her actions cause eyes to slam shut and hands to tremble. That sense of feeling trapped only drives the emotions, while at the same time makes you pull her closer- or beg for more of what she's offering.  And how can one say no to that grin on her face, being so pleased from holding you under her nails? You don't know, but your mind debates to either enjoy this, or return the sweet torture she deals. Even after drenching yourself in warm, bubbly waters, you still smell her on you, and your lips are numb from all the work they've been put through. Your joints ache from moving so much, making no sense since time didn't exist then. An hour later, you look into the mirror, gazing at those marks she's left upon you, the branding she placed upon your flesh. Cool water cleanses them, but time makes them burn more almost as much as when they were inflicted. Despite the embarrassment, you can only help but smile- for each one of those lines, each one of those spots, are a pleasant reminder of venom injected with open arms into your heart.  Good luck sleeping tonight pardner. Your thoughts for the next few days have gotten more than a tiny bit cluttered. There's a tornado sweeping through, and one house will lie turned over a mile away while another is left unscathed.  Just try to look into her eyes and not smile; life's different, that's a fact. How you keep up with the rest of her wishes is for you to handle, but remember- never make a woman cry, because God counts every one of her tears.

Fall Out and Farming

I had woken up today earlier, getting my share of sleep in, the 8 hours everyone really needs. There had been something that struck me last night as quite harsh, and I'm am dealing with it in a mature way. Yet, I still was kept awake some by it.

Personally, it had been answers I had been searching for, for a long while that day. Meeting with friends and missionaries, they asked, "Do you have any questions?" and I had asked, "Do you have anything you recommend I study for patience?" Their eyes lit up, and they gave me suggestions. I didn't study what they said I should. Instead, I handed off my scriptures to my friend so he could get my name engraved on them at the local bookstore.

So instead, I went to others for help. Didn't get the answers I wanted, though then again, I usually never do. I was reminded thought that I talk too much and worry too much as well. Two truths. With that knowledge, and an upset stomach from eating far too much pizza, I did the best I could to sleep. Usually I dream, but I don't remember that dream.

Here is where I woke up around 7am, mostly confused. Thoughts of other stuff went around, of what someone thinks of me, of why someone would leave a comment like that. I couldn't find answers, so I opted for another route- and opted out of it. As a last resort- knowing it should've been my first resort- I thought of Prayer; in defiance, wanting to deal with this on my own, I refused. There was a voice in my head, telling me something of if I refuse to accept His burden, if I refuse to give him my troubles and accept that I am not perfect, then I have found nothing. To be helped, I must tell Him I am asking for it.

So I did. That may have been one of the hardest times for me to actually pray for something. I'm not good at asking for things from anyone, let me tell you what. There was a lot of help asked for, a good bit of thanks given, and some relief; thoughts still lingered on my mind though. I tried going back to sleep, feeling quite cold.

I heard that voice again in my head. "Sleep, My son. I will show you a dream of how life will be." It took a while to fall asleep, as a few of those previous thoughts quietly milled around. I felt the cold as well still, and bundled up as I could.

Thus, I fell asleep soon enough, and dreamt. From what I remember, there was a dream of me standing in an auditorium, this huge concert going on with a line in it. I kept hearing music and was excited, as this seemed to be a famous group, and wanted to take photos. I desperately reach into my pocket, figuring I wouldn't have my camera, but lo and behold, it was there. There was a single photo I had gotten, a quick one from accidentally seeing the band backstage. I wanted to stick around, but somehow I was pulled away from all this, and brought to a farm.

In some strange realization, I was told I was a farmer now. Quite confused, yet understanding, I shrugged and looked around the farm... and saw a small hovel for pigs. Someone, I don't know whom, wanted one of those pigs out of the dark building and into the moving pen. Being never a farmer, I was timid to go in there and catch one of those pigs, but could see them quite clearly. Walked up to one, and thought, "What drives a pig? Food!" Using a trick I knew that fooled my dog a lot, I used treats to lure him outside, and up to the pen.

He looked up at that pen, and somehow I sensed he knew where he had to go, and though regretting it, he went inside with a bit more coersion. Fellow farmers helped me block the opening so he couldn't get out. As they secured the pen, there was a clear opening though, but he didn't leave until there was some animosity towards the pig that was broadcasted from someone- he was content eating the food in the cage, then it was as if someone gave him a hard time and he left. I was more concerned of him running out of the barn than him being in the cage, and made that a priority.

The dream starts getting a bit fuzzy here, though I recall empathizing with the pig and making sure he felt alright. I woke up soon after that, thoughts of how I treat someone on my mind, and asking them if I had hurt them... and midway in thought, I realized I already had my answer.

I was given an amazing oppurtunity, and took it while I could, God giving me the tools to accomplish this when I needed them. Yet at the drop of a hat, I accepted a calling I was given strictly by God, and used what knowledge and talents I have to help get the job done.

I feel a little bit better about today. Perhaps this'll be a better day than the last.