Fall Out and Farming

I had woken up today earlier, getting my share of sleep in, the 8 hours everyone really needs. There had been something that struck me last night as quite harsh, and I'm am dealing with it in a mature way. Yet, I still was kept awake some by it.

Personally, it had been answers I had been searching for, for a long while that day. Meeting with friends and missionaries, they asked, "Do you have any questions?" and I had asked, "Do you have anything you recommend I study for patience?" Their eyes lit up, and they gave me suggestions. I didn't study what they said I should. Instead, I handed off my scriptures to my friend so he could get my name engraved on them at the local bookstore.

So instead, I went to others for help. Didn't get the answers I wanted, though then again, I usually never do. I was reminded thought that I talk too much and worry too much as well. Two truths. With that knowledge, and an upset stomach from eating far too much pizza, I did the best I could to sleep. Usually I dream, but I don't remember that dream.

Here is where I woke up around 7am, mostly confused. Thoughts of other stuff went around, of what someone thinks of me, of why someone would leave a comment like that. I couldn't find answers, so I opted for another route- and opted out of it. As a last resort- knowing it should've been my first resort- I thought of Prayer; in defiance, wanting to deal with this on my own, I refused. There was a voice in my head, telling me something of if I refuse to accept His burden, if I refuse to give him my troubles and accept that I am not perfect, then I have found nothing. To be helped, I must tell Him I am asking for it.

So I did. That may have been one of the hardest times for me to actually pray for something. I'm not good at asking for things from anyone, let me tell you what. There was a lot of help asked for, a good bit of thanks given, and some relief; thoughts still lingered on my mind though. I tried going back to sleep, feeling quite cold.

I heard that voice again in my head. "Sleep, My son. I will show you a dream of how life will be." It took a while to fall asleep, as a few of those previous thoughts quietly milled around. I felt the cold as well still, and bundled up as I could.

Thus, I fell asleep soon enough, and dreamt. From what I remember, there was a dream of me standing in an auditorium, this huge concert going on with a line in it. I kept hearing music and was excited, as this seemed to be a famous group, and wanted to take photos. I desperately reach into my pocket, figuring I wouldn't have my camera, but lo and behold, it was there. There was a single photo I had gotten, a quick one from accidentally seeing the band backstage. I wanted to stick around, but somehow I was pulled away from all this, and brought to a farm.

In some strange realization, I was told I was a farmer now. Quite confused, yet understanding, I shrugged and looked around the farm... and saw a small hovel for pigs. Someone, I don't know whom, wanted one of those pigs out of the dark building and into the moving pen. Being never a farmer, I was timid to go in there and catch one of those pigs, but could see them quite clearly. Walked up to one, and thought, "What drives a pig? Food!" Using a trick I knew that fooled my dog a lot, I used treats to lure him outside, and up to the pen.

He looked up at that pen, and somehow I sensed he knew where he had to go, and though regretting it, he went inside with a bit more coersion. Fellow farmers helped me block the opening so he couldn't get out. As they secured the pen, there was a clear opening though, but he didn't leave until there was some animosity towards the pig that was broadcasted from someone- he was content eating the food in the cage, then it was as if someone gave him a hard time and he left. I was more concerned of him running out of the barn than him being in the cage, and made that a priority.

The dream starts getting a bit fuzzy here, though I recall empathizing with the pig and making sure he felt alright. I woke up soon after that, thoughts of how I treat someone on my mind, and asking them if I had hurt them... and midway in thought, I realized I already had my answer.

I was given an amazing oppurtunity, and took it while I could, God giving me the tools to accomplish this when I needed them. Yet at the drop of a hat, I accepted a calling I was given strictly by God, and used what knowledge and talents I have to help get the job done.

I feel a little bit better about today. Perhaps this'll be a better day than the last.